diarrhea or...?

[Star Captain Killian Bekker]

wedge said:

"...rip off your head and shit down your neck!"

Gotta love Gunnery Sargeant Hartman.

(For those clueless folks, that's the Drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket.)

Ooh Rah! Carry on.

[Wedge Lourde]

I beleive this quote was also used in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

[fistman]

mine r usually raly hard an painful but sometumes the blow out with bushido force

how about urs?

[Star Captain Killian Bekker]

fistman said:

mine r usually raly hard an painful but sometumes the blow out with bushido force

how about urs?

Apparently your brain must have gone out with it.

[MechWarrior Alex Thorn]

One the guy cant type worth a crap.

On another note. Another Beatles fan!!!! That is so awesome. I love the Beatles too.

[Wedge Lourde]

. That is pretty cool, but Maxwell's Silver Hammer hasn't exactly fallen yet... (Or so I know.) YOVI (Ye Olde Villedge Idiote) hasn't replied for a long time.

[MechWarrior Alex Thorn]

yeah that is true

[Captain Benjamin Maxwell]

wedge said:

. That is pretty cool, but Maxwell's Silver Hammer hasn't exactly fallen yet...

Suddenly, the heavens filled with the rumble of thunder, bolts of lightning arced across the sky, and the clouds parted, revealing a sight most majestic and fearsome. Shafts of golden light lanced out, vibrant and pure, as the Silver Hammer descended from the realm of the gods. With frightful speed, it accelerated, making its way toward The Cantina, where it stopped, hovering above fistman as it prepared to deliver the Blow of Justice.

"FISTMAN," a voice boomed, defying the very heavens in its volume and depth, "YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED."

The hammer swung forth, obliterating fistman's putrid carcass most soundly, before slowly ascending back toward the heavenly realm from whence it came.

[Wedge Lourde]

And once more, the chorus of the heavens boomed out graceful treble notes.

"Clang, Clang, Maxwell's Silver Hammer made sure that HE was dead!"

[Quartermaster]

Little bugger don't know the meanin' of diarrhea. Why, when I eat voodoo over in the Cantina...

I shut me mouth as the Silver Hammer eyed me lovingly.

[Lieutenant Kei-teh Kintaru]

Meanwhile, back on Valasha….

“OH COMMON! I thought you was a Kintaru!” The Great Elder shouted with much strength in her voice.

“That’s easy… for you to say!” I said gasping for air as I carried a large balder like object on my back as we climbed up the steep hill.

“When I was YOUR age, I RAN up this hill with a balder TWICE the size of yours!” she said, jogging circles around me.

One of these days… I thought to myself, keeping my cool.

Suddenly I stopped, paralysed. Xiuying looked at me concerned.

“K-Kei-teh… what’s wrong? Are you ok?!” she asked as fear gripped her voice.

“No Great Elder… I’m not ok. My… idiot senses are tingling…” I said, feeling the disturbance in the idiot force. Something far worse than Ren lingered in the emptiness of space. I hoped that someone would wipe the disturbace out…

You stupidity never ends Village Idiot

[Peytre Alexeev]

Elsewhere on Valasha...

As I walked from the television studio, I wiped beads of sweat from my brow. Making the broadcast had been perhaps one of the most difficult moments of my career, and the sense of relief now that it had passed was near-tangible.

The soldiers in the control booth flashed 'thumbs-up' gestures to me as I passed, and Sergey Vasilchenkov high-fived me. Making my way down the winding corridors of the media giant, I stopped at the first water fountain I came to, and took a long, refreshing drink. As the cool water rushed across my lips, I fell into a trance-like state as the stress of the last twenty-four hours melted away.

A long, wet, ripping sound, not unlike a shotgun being fired from under a meter of mud, suddenly and rudely interrupted my serenity. My head jerked up at the same instant my .45 pistol found its way into my hand. I whipped around, and saw a scrawny, silhouetted figure, crouched in the shadows at the far end of the hall. I trained my pistol on it, the sighting laser painting a red, circular dot on what I assumed to be the figure's head.

"You there! Drop your weapon, turn around, and put your hands where I can see them!"

The figure shifted almost excitedly, but remained crouched in the shadows. I slowly began to step toward it.

"Yesssssssssssss...."

I raised an eyebrow, and steeled my grip on the pistol.

"Drop your weapon, TURN AROUND, and put your hands where I can see them! I will not hesitate to disable you if you do not comply!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss..."

Another wet blast echoed through the corridor. The figure began to jump up and down and clap wildly. I instinctively rolled into a corner, unloading my entire clip in the creature's direction. Either the shots flew wide, or the creature was unaffected, because the assault had absolutely no effect whatsoever. The figure remained unfazed, and returned to its crouched state. I rose to my feet, slapping a fresh clip into my pistol, and began a faster combat-style approach. I was beginning to perspire again, and I wiped my forehead with the inside of my sleeve.

"Who are you?!? What are you doing here?!??"

The creature began to turn around. I raised my weapon to eye level.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss..."

My heart began to race as the scrawny, bony figure raised itself to a hunched-over, standing position, and began to step into the light. A feeling of horror washed over me as the creature's right foot stepped out of the shadows, and revealed its skin tone as an unsettling, deathly gray. I began to lose my composure.

"Put...your hands...UP!"

The creature's arms slowly raised, as it stepped completely into the light. I nearly passed out with horror at its appearance.

A...humanoid, just under four feet tall, stood before me, dressed only in a loincloth. It had a sickly, undernourished appearance, its head looking ridiculously oversized compared to its gaunt, gray, emaciated frame. Through huge, urine-colored eyes, the creature stared at me, a few stringy wisps of hair dangling down from its otherwise bald head. It held its hands out, per my instructions, but its hands remained clenched into fists, a brown, mushy material, from which rose a stench, vile beyond description, oozing from between its fingers.

"Open your hands."

The creature looked at me, an expression of pure hatred flashing across its face, as it slowly unclenched its fists. As its fingers extended, I could see what appeared to be bits of corn, lettuce, and a huge amount of other, unidentifiable biomaterial, all encased in a brown, wet substance.

"What...what is that?" I demanded, pointing at the mess with my pistol as I shielded my nose.

The creature glanced at its hands, a huge grin spilling across its face. It thrust its hands toward me, the stench becoming so overwhelming that I nearly retched.

"DiUH-RHEA!" it exclaimed, proceeding to wipe the fecal mess across its torso. I backed away in horror.

"You're sick! You're unnatural!!"

The creature began advancing toward me, its dung-covered hands reaching out to take hold of my uniform.

"YOU STAY BACK!" I exclaimed, brandishing my firearm in a show of force. The creature continued, oblivious to my warnings, and I unloaded a second clip into its torso. The shots bounced off, the creature completely unfazed by the second attack on its life. I reached for a third magazine...but I was out. Fear began to fill my heart.

"No...NO! GET BACK! I swear to you, I'll end you! I'll do it with my bare hands if I have to!"

I felt my back slam into the wall at the end of the corridor. I could go no further. I was trapped.

"Diarrhea...diarrhea...diarrhea...DIARRHEA!" the creature chanted, advancing toward me at an alarming rate.

"No! NO! STAY AWAY! PLEASE! STAY AWAY!" I pled. I was in full panic mode.

The creature began to extend its defecation-covered hands toward my face. It was now so close that I could feel its body heat.

"Di...uh...rhea," it growled, its eyes narrowing into slits as I frantically turned my head to try and put even a few scant inches between myself and...it. Visions of my life began to flash before my eyes, and thoughts of death raced through my head. Was this it? Was this how I was going to meet my end, after leading my people to freedom, overthrowing a tyrannical dictator and forever changing the face of the Outworlds Alliance in the process? Was this, a death at the hands of a diarrhea-covered maniac, going to be the thanks I got for a lifetime of service for the greater good?

As I prepared myself to make the transition across the threshold of eternity, a loud rumble began on the opposite side of the wall I found myself pinned against. Growing louder and louder, it began to shake nearby fixtures, and send vibrations through the carpeted floor. My instincts kicked in, and I dove to the left, falling into a tuck-and-roll just moments before a massive boulder crashed through the ferrocrete and steel wall that separated us from the outside. The creature screamed in terror, and tried to run away, but its tiny frame was no match for the multi-ton boulder. In a matter of seconds, the gigantic rock had rolled atop the creature, eliciting a cacophony of screams, accompanied by the unmistakable crack of breaking bones and the squish of internal organs being irreparably crushed. The rock came to rest, with the tiny monster pulverized beneath it, a pool of blood beginning to form at its base.

As I sat on the floor, dumbfounded, trying to comprehend the sequence of events I had just been involved in, the voice of an elderly woman wafted in on the morning breeze. It sounded as though a verbal castration was taking place.

"Kintaru, you bonehead! You weren't supposed to let go of the rock! When I say 'put it down,' you PUT IT DOWN, and nothing more! Understood?"

[Wedge Lourde]

w0ot


275!